butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
