yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
