3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
