Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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