I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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