i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize