i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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