And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
