im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
