She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize