fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have aggressive nipples.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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