You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
