I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
