In America we eat man semen.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
