I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
