I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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