***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You are the jesus of drinking
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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