he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
