y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
