Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
