hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
