so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
