By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
