3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
