Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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