Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
