The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
