Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
