Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
