im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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