He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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