Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
