we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
