Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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