I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
