btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize