3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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