She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
