guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish I only lived at night.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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