Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
