hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
