Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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