I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
