Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I need moral support for this bender
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
