you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
