im six kinds of drunk right now
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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