Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
