All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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