some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
