I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
