I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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