she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
