shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
