Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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