Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
