I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I need water and some morals
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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