Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
