Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
