i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
