You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
