She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
