Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize