Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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