to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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