I hate all girls vehemently.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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