Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
