So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
