She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
As shirtless as possible
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
